Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
