so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
