This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
