she looked like the before picture.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
