i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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