Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
