Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
