you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
