She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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