I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
