It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize