i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
