Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
where are my pants?
in the oven.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
