I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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