All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
