So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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