Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
