how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
