theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
smell my finger.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
