the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
