u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i out mim tonsoeep
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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