Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
