youre lurking in front of me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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