but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
