Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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