we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
