I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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