Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
