i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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