Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
