Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
