you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
