First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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