Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's the barista slut.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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