Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
