Im at strip club and am horny
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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