we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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