I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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