please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
