I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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