he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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