i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
