At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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