I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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