She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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