I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
