just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
