My boss' voice literally gives me gas
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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