well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
