she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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