Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
