omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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