I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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