Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
