At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
