Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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