so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
