I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
