she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Four minutes until I can fart!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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