Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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