i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
