my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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