She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
