Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
