I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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