I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
