i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize