i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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