Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
