How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize